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This Diwali, spurred on by ueber expensive travel tickets back home, and I decided to stay uh.. home in Namma Bengaluru and get some ‘me-time’.  I decided enough is enough, I need to figure out my life, and a 4 day break is just perfect to find all the answers. Like ever. So I told everyone who bothered to ask proudly about my plans, that I’d downloaded some good movies,  bought 3 books and 1 ‘Akashkandil’ and stocked up on beer. (My new mantra - beer for creativity & coffee for execution)I ignored the piteous looks that this inspired, and grinned broadly. Me time! Cause I’m such amazing company! And maybe also a little because I’ve been feeling terribly scattered lately. The feeling of always fretting that you’re forgetting something, even after making 3 lists a day. And distracted, I can’t even pay full attention to the rubbish I’m penning down right now. I’ve lost my mojo. I wanted to collect my thoughts and all that. I swore off FB and went off whatsapp. If anyone needed me they could call!  

Day 1 went according to plan. I read, slept, did some rehab exercises (not drug/ alcohol you %&$*, for my ankle) and made a dent in my pending worklist. Feeling quite accomplished on Day 2, also sensing depression nearing if I actually didn’t meet another human for 4 days, I agreed to go out to lunch at a comic book café. That sounded nice, it wouldn’t be stressful. I’d come back relaxed and get back where I left off. Needless to say, my plans took a turn for the worse after the 2nd beer. I came home with a lot to think about. But no fear, 2 days more to go! Sure, I was quite keen to visit a friend that night, but it would be just a couple of beers and catching up, and I’d head back home the next morning. I read a little, but the book was beginning to annoy me. I watched Moneyball again. That didn’t do much for my self-worth. I started looking forward to the night. ‘Shake it off P. This weekend is about finding yourself.’ But to no avail. 

I was glad to see my friends, we finally went to bed at 3am when the alcohol ran out and made plans to go on a bike ride the next morning. We awoke at 8, decided to screw that, and headed over to all the famous albeit classist sounding breakfast places in that part of town. I stayed back for lunch too, then proceeded to zonk off on their couch at an extremely awkward angle for 2 hours. Come evening my talk of taking the bus back was dismissed by a ‘chill maadi’ and we set out for yet another round of eating. A text from my friend was the bearer of atleast one rediscovery about myself. My pathetic memory - I had forgotten my best friend’s birthday. I called her after that and all, but I told her that if she had forgotten mine I’d have never forgiven her. Because she has the better memory, you see. I rely on her for remembering most of my childhood experiences. I was dropped home at 10pm, and went off to sleep immediately. Holidays 4 – Self Discoveries 1. 

I subjected you, my readers to this tedious account (unless you’ve left the page already), to try and take you along on my journey to epiphany. 

The following is a disclaimer. 

If you are, and would like to continue to be my friend, (having fallen for my witty sarcasm) I request you to sign this and mail it back to me. 

This agreement is made and entered into by and between the Party P, hereinafter referred to as “P” and (insert name), hereinafter referred to as the “Friend”. Friend and P are hereinafter jointly referred to as the “Parties” and each individually as a “Party”.
1.        While entering into this Agreement the Friend is aware that P may, nay, will probably forget important dates, including but not limited to Friend’s birthdays, anniversaries, boyfriend/girlfriend’s, parents, siblings birthdays and anniversaries; and that P may forget to wish the Friend luck for important exams, tests, interviews, moots, drawing contests, reviews and marathons. This does not, in any way imply that aforementioned P holds any feelings of apathy/jealousy/heresy towards the Friend’s success.
2.       The Friend is mindful that P may overstep the permissible boundaries of humour and poke one-too-many jokes at the Friend.
3.       While performing the duties of a Friend, he/she may be called upon for lifts or drops. If the Friend agrees, it is with full knowledge that this particular favour may be returned grudgingly at best, if at all. The Friend is also aware that this is not due to any lack of love but an acute languor towards operating vehicular machinery.
4.      A large dose of sympathy, company and an outlet for whining may be anticipated from the Friend in case of illness (physical or psychological) suffered by P. This can be reversed with interest at any time.
5.       The Friend is sentient that he/she may be imperiled to cooking experiments and shall be supportive and enthusiastic in all circumstances, because it’s basically a labour of love.
6.      In case P’s alcohol intake surpasses a certain limit, the Friend shall have no objection to receiving of an excessive number of hugs, kisses and may even be exposed to P’s singing. The Friend agrees to not look askance at P the following morning.
7.       The Friend may be the receiver of free advice without having asked for it.  The Friend is however not contractually bound to take it, though he/she is aware that this decision may come at the price of follow-up advice. In hindsight, if the advice is adjudged to be worthy, the Friend agrees to be subjected to not less than 1 ‘I told you’.
8.      The Friend may be introduced to P’s friends, and is allowed to enter into an Agreement of Friendship with them.  In the Event of a dispute, insecurity or boredom, transference of loyalties is however, strictly prohibited.  
9.      The Friend or their mother may be asked to make Ps favourite food from their community’s cuisine. In honour of, well P. The friend shall be conscious that the gratitude for this act is genuine and heartfelt.
10.    The Friend shall be aware of the dangers of the no-return policy of lending things to P. This may be attributed to the same personal characteristics as in Clause 2. The Friend is also free to borrow P’s possessions and may consider it to be theirs after a period of 12 months from the date of the 1st Request for Return.
11.     The Friend shall refrain from conferring judgment unless expressly requested to do so, although honest feedback will be valued. The Friend shall enjoy the same privilege.
12.    The Parties may not always be in touch. However the Friend shall remember that long term memories are treasured and an attempt to get back in touch will always be welcome and appreciated by P.
13.    And lastly, the Friend may be let down by P. The Friend shall remember at all times, that it will never be planned or motivated. An oversight will almost always be accompanied by regret and apologies. If not, a couple of clues or an honest complaint can always be registered and will be addressed immediately. In return, an apology from the Friend for breaching this Agreement will also be accepted.
14.    Force Majeure:
If any Party to this Agreement is unable to perform its obligations hereunder due to a Force Majeure Event, then the performance of this Agreement will be suspended as to all the Parties and no Party will be in breach hereof as a result of such suspension or non-performance.
15.    Dispute settlement:
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the Republic of Camaraderie and shall be subject to the exclusive jurisdiction of the competent courts situated in WhereeverIhappentobe. The arbitration award will be final and binding upon the Parties, and the Loser will bear the costs of arbitration (not exceeding 3 pints of the beer of choice).



I’ve realized that my own company doesn’t really live up to its tall claims to fame. I’d rather have you guys around, and if I’ve lost my mojo, I’ve better chances with you peeps helping me find it. Provided you know what you’re in for. So sign it, dammit!


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