“If it is true that there are as many minds as there are men, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.”
I want to write this down and put this out there to always remember that things will look up, no matter what. I’m sure I’m going to have to face much, much bigger losses. But there will be a sliver of hope that will shine soon.
The past one week has been crazy. I felt all alone and almost boarded a flight back home. I couldn’t bear the thought of being in this city, where everything reminds me of him. But something made me stay. I felt a little stubborn. A tiny bit of fight remained it me. I didn’t want to run away.
I am not someone that places an unnecessarily high value on pride, when it comes to my friends. When I need to be needy, I am. I called my friend and told him everything. He came over and endured my bawling for a few hours. He dragged me to Biere Club and forced me to order beer. When I didn’t have any, he paused only a few moments to express his surprise, and then promptly finished it and took me back home. He plonked himself on my bed and went about working, just being around me. A colleague by profession, but friend by association came to visit. I wanted a chocolate milkshake, and in his bid to prove that Bangalore is NOT a village, he did manage to find me one. (Only the highest consideration for his feelings prevents me from disclosing my opinion about this shake.) He listened to my whining, interspersing it with regular “Just don’t worry, it will be fine.” His wife called me, and I poured my heart out to her too. She showed up at office the next day with a bar of dark chocolate, the temporary cure for many ailments.
That night, my flat-mate and her boyfriend took me to a stand-up comedy. Well if they thought they would be safe from the showers here, they were wrong! But we did have a few good laughs, and some were even at the jokes we paid for. Over the week I reconnected with my cousin. I can hardly call it “re”connecting, to be fair, I hardly have any memories of her. But she’s amazing. She has been through so much, and yet she listened to my trivial problems, and comforted me. She came over and spent the night, and we watched “Lion King” together. On Saturday I set out to Koshy’s to meet my dear friend, who I haven’t seen in 2 years or so. I’m so glad to have her around again, she is one of those few people that you instantly know, get you. No matter how weird the thought, or pathetic I feel, she always knows exactly what I’m going through.
On my way though, in my self-pitying daze I gave the rickshawala imprecise directions, and of course I was soon lost. I broke down again, remembering all the times I had called him for help. It seemed terrible that I would never be able to do this again. After walking around like a zombie for quite a while, I pulled myself together and called another friend. He’s been amazing. He’s not the kind of guy you’d think to call after a break-up. He just doesn’t seem to be the “sensitive” type. But he’s been a great support. He calmed me down and guided me. On Sunday he and I spent the day loafing around the city. We discovered a place that sells ‘Dots Ice-cream’. It’s like little flavoured frozen thermacol balls of ice-cream and I really love it. We then went to a lake in the middle of the city called ‘Sankey Tank’. It’s lovely and the weather was perfect, how it is just before it starts to rain. I had some Mother Dairy cola candy while he glared impatiently at me, and then I survived the bike-journey home, where he out-rode the impending rainclouds.
This week has shown me that in the few months I’ve been here, I may have lost one person, but I’ve gained a family. I don’t know how to thank you guys for being there for me, that’s why I am just doing what I always do when I’m confused – writing it down.
To others far away, whether I know where to find you on the map or not, thank you too! Pune peeps, I love you’ll and I can’t wait for you to land. And mommy, I love you.
P.S I read Jiah Khan’s love letter yesterday. Or maybe I should call it her suicide note. I was afraid to read it, afraid that I would be able to relate to it. It’s heartbreaking that her entire world revolved around this guy. Frankly I had never even heard of her last week. But the point is, why hadn’t the people who cared about her helped her? Or maybe they tried to, and it didn’t work. I don’t know whether it’s fair to blame the fellow, people have the right to make their choice of behavior and partners. And the people that love them have the choice to move on and find something better. Granted that is not AT ALL easy, and depression is something that just cannot be dealt with alone. Just like Anna, over a period of time, it seems to deprave the person from finding joy in anything. I wish people would remember that there are so many others who love them, who will suffer, if they throw away their lives.