Rewatching the Hunger Games as an adult is making me wonder just
how much inspiration the author took from Big4 consulting! Let me not be the
one to call this revered career path, that affords sociopaths and sycophants
alike the opportunity to enter any room believing they are the smartest person
there, a total made-up fantasy. But the opening line by Katniss’ mentor and my
firm-assigned “womentor” (a mentor for women leaders, obviously) was
uncannily similar – “You need to get people to like you”. Now this may sound
quite obvious to many, but for a career “industry” type such as myself, it occurred
to me quite late in my switch to consulting that getting people (your partner)
to like you was much more important than the work you do, no matter the length
and breadth of the KPIs mentioned on Workday. The second piece of Tribute à Victor knowledge
imparted was, “you need to find sponsors”. I had in fact been informed of the
same during my own Womentoring session. Up until then, I didn’t doubt that my
Partner would be deciding my fate in the “firm”, along with my numbers, KPIs, team
targets, business outlook, growth factors and hot cross buns. However, it turns
out that there are mentors, partners and then sponsors, and they all play a
role in the fight-unto-death partnership journey that every middle
manager (allegedly) dreams of.
Just like the shiny train that brings the Tributes to the
gaudily colourful Capitol for the first time, consulting can be cool at first glance - you get
to work on different kinds of projects, solve a variety of problems (whether
self-created or not), learn to think in an extremely structured way about
complex issues and tackle something new almost every hour. It is definitely not
for the faint-hearted, and I do see the charm, and I understand the reason why
so many smart and ambitious people chase the high it gives. The high that comes
from “cracking” a deal or chasing a bigger target. Some even enjoy solving the
clients’ actual problems, I think. But I see too many on this path give
up everything for that chase. Families, friends, health, hobbies, and every
concept of self that existed outside the validation of work. And for the
average upper middle class Indian millennial that didn’t ever have either the luxury or courage to slow down and examine their lives, to look beyond the perceived
glamour of a title or perks, this may never change.
Would this be terrible though? It is easier to miss out,
when you don’t know what you are missing out on. At least this is how I explain
vegetarians being excited about cabbage momos, to myself.
A few months ago, I had the extreme good fortune of taking
my first ever breath underwater. I have wanted to learn scuba diving for a while,
but somehow time, place and money never aligned before now. From the surreal experience
of seeing the tiniest little fish in my first seconds in the ocean water, to
watching a turtle serenely swim past me in a turbulent current, to being blown
away by the unending array of colours of corals underwater, to the absolutely
soul-awakening-core-memory-life-altering experience of witnessing a Manta Ray cleaning
station, I came out of this 5 day diving experience feeling like I had been
living a half life, all these years. Now I can hardly imagine going back to a
life lived only above ground.
Is all this to say that everyone should take a career break,
discover who they are outside of work, before dedicating their entire life to
14-hour work days and chasing validation through annual bonuses? I’m not sure. Being
constantly torn or wanting more could be a burden. I can only speak for myself,
and I do know that I am lucky and privileged to want so much more.
I am finally willing to slow down, to build a home. For a
long time, I told myself I was not the same overly ambitious girl who went to
Germany, that I now a woman valued work life balance so much, that I loved my
quiet Sundays and hobbies. And that is true. But now, having moved back to
India and seeing the pace, competition and brutal “only 1 Victor will emerge
from this Reaping” attitude in sport and consulting, I realise that I not only
have to be cognisant of the benefits of slowing down, but also fully accept the
cost that it comes with.
Earlier this year, I took the decision to move away from Ahmedabad,
back “home” or at least back to my hometown, Pune. I could have made the move 6
months earlier than I did, but it was the first time in my life that I was able
to chose where and even when to move. It was not dictated by a job contract. The
inner turmoil caused by even considering moving away from the developing apparent
epicentre of mega sporting events in India was reason enough for spending
inordinate amounts of time, effort and money pretending to live in Ahmedabad by
maintaining a full household there, yet flying to Pune and spending 75% of my
time living there. Finally, the cons of stepping away from the epicentre of not
only mega events but also political tussle, chaos, rabid competition and toxic
manipulation trumped any future pros I had concocted in my mind. I realised
that this move, like any other, need not be permanent, but further damage to my
peace of mind might be. Like a Phelps or Biles that came back stronger from
retirement, sometimes distance and recuperation are the best training. With
that ever so slightly delulu logic, the scales finally tipped in favour of
moving back to Pune, where I had not lived since 2011. They tipped in favour of
prioritising my current well-being over a very real future professional benefit
of staying in a city that made my life feel emptier and smaller. They tipped in
favour of me. And it feels like I completed the journey I started 3 years ago,
when I took the decision to give up my whole life in Germany, and move back to
start over in India.
As I ask myself whether a career in sport or consulting is
sustainable with this mindset, I am privileged to be able to go downstairs to
do Wordle with mom or mindlessly gossip with dad about the exploits of the
society weirdos, to drive a few minutes over to visit my brother, SIL &
their mildly annoying doggos or sweat it out really hard in the gym with my
trainer – while I figure it out. Growing up, I always said I wanted it all, but
it feels more and more like that’s impossible, at least, to have at all periods
of time. The last 15 years were centered around professional growth. Even
though I did not neglect or ever not value my private life, I did not have the privilege
nor attitude to base decisions on my comfort. In fact, I do not ever recall
making a job decision by factoring in something as non-critical as my well-being.
But I want this phase of my life to look different. Maybe, I could keep making choices
that allow me to feel whole while also being aligned to my long-term purpose
(whatever that looks like once re-calibrated to this new outlook). The rest
will follow..?
In the meantime, I will try to stay alive in sport
consulting. I may not be a “career” consultant (as a career Tribute from
District 1 or 2) and training since I was 11 years old through CET, CAT, MAT
and BAT and MBA for this environment, and I may have chosen this only in the way
that Katniss “volunteered” for the Games, but I am scrappy and have some skills
up my sleeve too. And, considering that I only watched about half of movie 1
last night, I will not drag this analogy much longer, but I will just say that
Peeta’s stated desire the night before they enter the arena captures my current
vague position in my career journey quite well – “I don’t want them to change
me or turn me into something I’m not”.
Comments
Post a Comment