3 months into an unexpectedly long stay at
home, but now I am a few weeks away from having to go back to “real life” (and therefore
thoroughly pressuring myself to write a summarizing blogpost about it). All of
my previous “visits to home” have been 3-4 weeks of whirlwind madness, trying
to cram in maximum quality time, favourite meals and relaxation into the holiday.
The time available of course was limited by the yearlong leave I saved to be
home with family and childhood friends. I’d land and run immediately to friends’
weddings, and usually get sick soon after. Whether from exhaustion or weather
change, I never quite knew why – but it would knock me off my feet for a few
days. I would console myself that atleast I was sick at home, and let myself be
pampered. Not having to lift a finger while under a fever, with hot soup and
fruit bowls being brought to you does soften the blow of a flu. I would bounce
back after a week, and rush around meeting friends, family, shopping, eating
and being entertained. I didn’t have a minute to myself, and I loved it.
This visit has been pretty distinctive. The
first couple of weeks were similar to the years past, with travel plans and my
brother’s wedding to attend. Its only post-wedding, with the house full again
and everyone back in their routines, did the initial “teething pain” of settling
back into living here, in India, with my family, crop up. My motivation to
make every moment count was still high, but it clashed with my anxious energy to make
a new work from home situation well, work. With an uncharacteristic inertia to
adapt, my routine seemed out of sync with the pace of the household, as
evidenced by my last, slightly angsty blogpost.
Adjusting back to life in India never
struck me as a bit stressful, until I thought about it this visit. I don’t mean
this in a pratty “I’m a foreign-return with a fake accent and need Bisleri water”
kind of way. I’m referring more to the subtle differences that simply exist
between any 2 countries, 2 homes, and different living situations. For instance,
in Pune, the neighbouring housing society excels in their power to plague and annoy
me. From the noisy kids playing downstairs at all hours of the evening, the
wannabe DJ right opposite who practices his “art” in the afternoons with his
balcony doors wide open, to the very Godly old man who likes to pray at the top
of his lungs while clapping manically every morning, the sounds of life are varied
and loud. Compared to Bonn, a town which goes to sleep at 9pm and seems to stay
asleep most days, this jarring juxtaposition was quite disruptive to my sleep.
If the sounds from outside the house weren’t
enough, within the house too, I went from living alone to being in a home
inhibited by 4 more people. At any given time, atleast 1 is on the phone, every
hour or 2 the doorbell rings, house help and workers doing unfortunately timed
repairs come and go. The layout of the house also magnifies the chaos, in that
it magnifies sounds to my workspace. My only option to escape this would be to
retreat with my work table into my bedroom, but then I would be back to spending
all day in a quiet room alone, something which I was keen to escape after a
long year.
Some of the worst parts of public life in
India can be that places can be dirty, smelly and/or crowded. Sitting home Dunzoing
deliveries, Zomatoing great food and Mytraing clothes is an excellent way to
forget that. Pollution can be a big problem in most cities, but living in a
high-rise takes you a few feet higher than the coughing masses.
Most of my friends haven’t been here this
year, which means nearly all of my time has been spent either working or being
with family. I know that is inconceivable to some. But I must admit that after over
7 years away, 2 of which made even more difficult by Covid, it has been the
balm that my soul needed. Whether a movie evening, playing Scrabble or Catan together,
going for an evening walk with dad, creating new recipes or crafts with mum, or discussing housing society politics, I am
lucky to be able to have fun with my family on most days.
Our 2-week spell in Delhi was exhausting,
cold and dreary, with wave 3 looming; but we managed to make the best of this. We
were there on work; and though I didn’t get to do any of my favourite Delhi
things (aside from visiting my favourite park); in spite of being stressed and
stuck in a tiny home for the whole stay, we managed to make some great
memories. If that wasn’t enough, I can be grateful that I was able to support my
parents for a couple of weeks. One of the hardest facts of expat life is not
being able to physically support your loved ones, and Delhi gave me a small
opportunity to do this.
My 3-month stint of living back home has
left me hard-pressed to think of things I really miss from my life in Germany,
aside from my dearest friends, of course. Gone are the days when “abroad” was
held in high esteem, with eyes greedy for foreign currency and tongues drooling
for fancy chocolates and exotic flavours. The India of now has nearly everything
abroad does, the economy is growing fast, making it easier for the hardworking to
climb the ladder. The pandemic has made many activities difficult anyway, but I
notice a positive increase in the range of hobbies and entertainment on offer. Growing
up, the only way to entertain ourselves without great planning and cost was
food and Bollywood. Now I see more sport offerings, camping, adventure and
outdoor activities, arts and crafts. These seem to be more accessible than in
Germany, taking lower initial monetary investments and time commitments. Once a
big fan of sport culture in Germany, now I differentiate between facilities and
accessibility. While sport fields are galore, it takes a steady membership and
prolonged time commitment to take advantage of these. Pay-to-play is rare, and
that makes it quite difficult for casual players and working professionals who travel
or are living outside the radius of their hometowns to participate. For
example, it boggles my mind that I have never been kayaking on the Rhine, which
I live at a distance of 1 km from. To do this, I need to join a club with a
yearly membership. Same goes for golf, horse-riding and many more. Even the gym
membership ended with a fiasco where they try everything to not release you
from an expired annual contract. Here, at a family friend’s place, I bumped
into a guy. He invited me to come play ultimate frisbee with his club. He even
gave me a lift to the ground and back. The club is so inclusive, that nearby
slum kids randomly joined us in the game. I pretty much sucked as much as any
first-timer would, but I was invited back to play in a tournament on the
weekend. I thankfully saved myself and my team embarrassment by being unavailable
that day.
The only positive side of the pandemic is
a prolonged work from home understanding. The comforts of any parental home are
plentiful, but the comforts of present-day middle-class home in India are supreme. With a full house, house help and affordable delivery services, chores can be
outsourced and comfort can be purchased. It’s given me the headspace to focus
on the things that are truly important to me, i.e., family, work, hustle, reading
and fitness, and I will be truly honest - extra time to binge Netflix. I go downstairs
for a walk and see grandparents and grandchildren out in the lawn together. I see
through rose-coloured glasses a life I could have. Easy, comfortable, sunny and
warm.
As I head back however, I am determined to
make changes to my life in Germany. While the gloomy weather isn’t going anywhere, building a life that you love takes effort, in every country. Granted,
in some places more and some less. Surrounding yourself with positive people is
easier said than done abroad, because you have to start at scratch find those
people. You have to look harder to spot a ray of sunshine. All we can do in the meantime then, is make the best of the life we currently lead,
while working towards an even brighter tomorrow. My time-out from German life
has let me gather the energy to do that.
But before that, an angsty countdown
begins - for the last 2 weeks of sunshine-filled, chore-less family time! 😉
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